itŐs time to let him go

 

itŐs time to let him go they say

you are only prolonging his agony

how can it be,

if they say

in the same breath that he is gone,

where then exists the agony

is death not the agony? for him? for us ?

and the machine makes him breath so very regularly

and i can feel his eyes move under those sallow eyelids

it cannot always be reflex

perhaps it is him making an effort to reach out to us

to be among us

i talked to him several times last night

i am sure he can listen

so how can i tell you to flick a switch

to let him go

he brought me into this world

surely not to let him go?

miracles do happen donŐt they

and much as bills mount

and i turn away from the living

and snap at them when they seek to console

assholes

i cannot believe that what i have before me

is not what was only a short while ago

and i donŐt even know where the keys to the locker are

and i donŐt even know who to trust

surely your brothers will not be fathers to us

they have always been jealous of us

and already our mother snaps at them

and who do i call to put you in the ground

where? i cannot take on this responsibility

the fear of which makes me tremble

and yet you held all the world at bay, onto your self

removed from me,

i love you

are these here even doctors?

they breeze and in breeze out

of this devastated room

they are bean counters who want to sell this bed to another

covering their own backs

with the stacks

of forms they make me sign for each procedure they undertake on you

for each surgery, each butchery

each needle they stick into you,

each test they stake our future on

dialysis, analysis, toxicology, haematology,

your skin has gone so yellow

and thin, yet you sink in

to this bed

they donŐt love you or care,

i too am tired, but i am still here

when they all say to love you is to let you go

no

just one more day please

one more