itŐs
time to let him go
itŐs
time to let him go they say
you
are only prolonging his agony
how
can it be,
if
they say
in
the same breath that he is gone,
where
then exists the agony
is
death not the agony? for him? for
us ?
and
the machine makes him breath so very regularly
and
i can feel his eyes move under those sallow eyelids
it
cannot always be reflex
perhaps it is him making an effort to reach out to us
to
be among us
i talked to him several times last night
i am sure he can listen
so
how can i tell you to flick a switch
to
let him go
he
brought me into this world
surely not to let him go?
miracles do happen donŐt they
and
much as bills mount
and
i turn away from the living
and
snap at them when they seek to console
assholes
i cannot believe that what i
have before me
is
not what was only a short while ago
and
i donŐt even know where the keys to the locker are
and
i donŐt even know who to trust
surely your brothers will not be fathers to us
they
have always been jealous of us
and
already our mother snaps at them
and
who do i call to put you in the ground
where?
i cannot take on this
responsibility
the
fear of which makes me tremble
and
yet you held all the world at bay, onto your self
removed from me,
i love you
are
these here even doctors?
they
breeze and in breeze out
of
this devastated room
they
are bean counters who want to sell this bed to another
covering their own backs
with
the stacks
of
forms they make me sign for each procedure they undertake on you
for
each surgery, each butchery
each
needle they stick into you,
each
test they stake our future on
dialysis, analysis, toxicology, haematology,
your
skin has gone so yellow
and
thin, yet you sink in
to
this bed
they
donŐt love you or care,
i too am tired, but i
am still here
when
they all say to love you is to let you go
no
just
one more day please
one
more